by Kimberly Hill | Nov 28, 2021 | Blogs, Holidays
It’s a pump and dump holiday strategy.
You may have been dating someone for a few weeks, and then all of a sudden December is here. Queue the Christmas parties, fun city events, skiing and Christmas lights to look at. It’s a wonderful time to be cuddled up with someone special. So you decide to keep that somebody around just so you have a convenient plus one. It’s called Snow Globing.
As quoted by Cosmopolitan magazine “snow-globing means the person you’ve been dating is using the holiday season to con you into thinking you two are more serious than you are.”
This means you keep your date around during the holidays, but you know very well that you don’t have any intention of taking things further. As soon as the NYE’s part ball drops, you plan to boot them out of your life. What gives?
Many of us feel the compounding effects of loneliness during the holidays. We want to have someone to take to parties and to enjoy the festivities of the season. And men in particular fear being single more than women over the holidays. Plus, it’s okay to keep someone around just for the holidays, right? We’ve seen this scenario play out in Hollywood films such as Holiday Engagement, Love The Coopers and Hitched For The Holidays where someone poses as a “fake” boyfriend or girlfriend. The sad thing is people can do this for real, without the other person knowing.
Are you guilty of keeping someone around over the holidays out of sheer convenience?
I get it. The holidays are a time of festive cheer, but maybe you’re not feeling cheerful. This time of year puts a big emphasis on intimate relationships and social connectedness. If you’re already having a hard time, December can make it feel even worse.
It’s important to understand your triggers during this time of year. Here are a few suggestions on how to deal with the holiday blues:
Help others. This is a great time of the year to remember what we are thankful for and to help others in need. Is this some local volunteering you could do around soup kitchens or toy drives? Maybe a friend needs help doing some Christmas baking, or a neighbour needs helps to shovel the driveway. Whatever it is, get out there and lend a hand to those in need.
Be kind to yourself. Take yourself out on a date, spoil yourself with a fancy at-home meal, and get yourself something extra special to put under the Christmas tree. You don’t need to have a partner to get spoiled at Christmas. Is there a new sports club you want to join? Or perhaps an online course you’ve been wanting to take? Plus, NYE is a great time to be single and mingle.
Plan and get connected. Don’t isolate yourself during the holidays. Make sure to plan with friends and family to attend fun events and enjoy the festivities together. Could you host a dinner party? A themed party? Get the social calendar out and start putting in some ideas to look forward to.
Examine your feelings. The holiday season is also a time for reflection and gratitude. Starting a daily meditation practice or gratitude journal might help you re-frame your mindset into a more abundant and positive one. You can score an end-of-year sale with Headspace (a guided meditation app) or download Insight Timer to listen to free guided meditations for gratitude and positivity.
What do you think would help you during the Holiday season?
Kimberly Hill is a leading Dating & Relationship Coach For Men, and Host of The Self-Confidence Project Podcast. You can follow her on Instagram @kimberlyninahill. For more information, go to www.kimberlyninahill.com.
Curious to learn more? Download a free copy of The Dating Handbook for Men.
Ready for more personalized support? Book a free consultation with Dating & Relationship Expert Kimberly here.
by Kimberly Hill | Nov 10, 2021 | Blogs, Dating, Holidays
Simple reminders to keep in mind while you date over the holidays
The holiday season can be an exciting and overwhelming time. And if you’re dating, sometimes it can get a little confusing knowing what you should or shouldn’t do. If you are worried you might take a misstep while dating during the holidays, here are a few guidelines to support your holiday dating:
- Don’t feel pressured to include them in your family plans. Inviting a date to meet your family is something you should do when you’re ready for it, not because the holidays create an added layer of pressure. Invite them in you are ready to take the next step and have been wanting to introduce them to your family for a while.
- Don’t go overboard on gifts. Have you ever heard of the term love-bombing? It’s an attempt to influence a person by going over-board with attention, affection and gifts. Make sure you and the individual you’re dating establish if gifts are appropriate. It’s always nice to start with something small and fun that lets them know you’ve been listening to what they like.
- Don’t settle for someone because it’s the holidays. While it’s tempting to have someone to cuddle up with by the fire. Cuddling should not take priority over compatibility, honesty and trust. Make sure you are dating intentionally, not for convenience.
- Take it easy on the alcohol. While the rum and egg nog might be flowing, or the midnight champagne may make an appearance, take it easy on the booze. According to a 2014 study by Plenty of Fish, 48.8 percent of singles reported consuming two to three drinks on a first date. If you don’t drink, you might wonder when a good time to bring this up is. The best time to tell someone you’re dating that you don’t drink is as soon as the conversation about alcohol comes up naturally.
- Don’t stop dating. If you are genuine in your search for love, the holidays can be a great time to date. Fun events, local things happening in your town, and opportunities to meet people who want to embrace the holiday spirit. Make sure you don’t put too much pressure on finding someone by the end of the year. This kind of pressure can increase your dating anxiety, so move slowly, enjoy the process and don’t get caught up in the timing of meeting someone.
Happy Holiday Dating!
Kimberly Hill is a leading Dating & Relationship Coach For Men, and Host of The Self-Confidence Project Podcast. You can follow her on Instagram. For more information, go to www.kimberlyninahill.com.
Curious to learn more? Download a free copy of The Dating Handbook for Men.
by Kimberly Hill | Oct 5, 2021 | Blogs, Dating, Divorce
How to date successfully after marriage, especially if it’s been a while
Divorce is known to be one of the most stressful events in someone’s life. And one can understand why. The event itself is an emotional whirlwind, not to mention financially stressful. If kids are involved, it’s just plain complicated.
But the start of the divorce is not where the stress starts. On average, an individual spends two years thinking about divorce before taking action on it And when we are checking out of a relationship, it’s not usually a joyful time.
The whole process can make you re-think everything you know about love and relationships. But it doesn’t mean that a healthy relationship is not in the cards for you. It is, and it can be.
If you’re ready to meet someone new, here are some important areas to consider before you sign up for dating on Tinder, eHarmony or hit the streets in search of a new beau.
Get support and do the inner work to heal from your divorce
The healing process will look different for everyone. It’s important to take time to process what happened and get back to a healthy emotional state before you begin dating again. Only you can determine when you’re truly ready. During this time, it’s important to reclaim your interests and begin re-building healthy friendships.
Get clear on what you’re looking for in a partner
Before you create a dating profile and sign up for the hottest dating app, consider what you’re actually searching for. You’ll improve your chances of matching and meeting with the right types of people if you’re mindful and intentional about it. Great relationships are based on shared values, so understand what truly matters to you before you start your search.
Understand the kind of relationship you want to have
Since your last relationship ended, you may want to think about the type of relationship you’re interested in creating. Want more kids? Say so. Looking for a partner who enjoys adventures and travel? Be clear about that too. Consider the kind of relationship you want to have and make sure that’s what you’re attracting.
Set boundaries around the use of apps
If this is your first time using dating apps, or you’re exploring it again, you’re going to need to have some boundaries in place. While dating apps can be a great way to meet potential partners, they also can stress us out and take our time away from other healthy pursuits. Don’t rely strictly on dating apps. There are other ways to meet great people and you should know how to approach women in public as well. Make sure you know when to put your phone down so you’re not spending hours mindlessly scrolling or falling behind in other areas of life. Dating apps can be addictive, like all forms of social media, so be conscious of how you use them and what’s going to work best for you. Are you planning to go on dates every day of the week? For single dads, what about during the days and weekends you have your kids? Make sure you know when you’re available so you’re not feeling pulled in one hundred directions.
To your success in dating,
Kimberly
Kimberly Hill is a leading Dating & Relationship Coach For Men, and Host of The Self-Confidence Project Podcast. You can follow her on Instagram @kimberlyninahill. For more information, go to www.kimberlyninahill.com.
Curious to learn more? Download a free copy of The Dating Handbook for Men.
by Kimberly Hill | Aug 25, 2021 | Blogs, Dating
And how it’s causing you to work harder at forming meaningful relationships.
Around 36% of Canadians use online dating, and it’s no surprise given the Global pandemic that has caused us to socialize less and approach dating in a new way.
With rising social anxieties, many dealt with the first phase of lockdown alone and realized how awful it was to sit at home, every night without someone special to share it with.
So how has dating changed in the last 18 months?
Social anxieties are higher
In 2021, it is now reported that social anxieties have increased as a result of COVID-19
Many of us have forgotten the important skill of having a healthy conversation. Where we once had multiple interactions and small talk without much hesitation, say in the locker room, or the coffee shop, now, it seems, it causes us to feel a rise in anxiety.
For many of my clients, it has made small talk in dating apps feel more laborious and painful. Many men are reported that they don’t even know what to say when matched with a potential partner. What is an appropriate first date? How soon should I suggest we meet in person? Should I mention if I am vaccinated or not?
It’s feeling tough out there.
Apps have expanded to allow video chat
In order to respond to the difficulties of meeting in person and staying socially distant, many apps, including Hinge and now Tinder has adapted to include video chat.
Men and women are choosing to set up first-dates on video and are spending time getting to know each other this way before choosing to meet in person.
The question is, is this a good or bad change?
The positives are nobody needs to worry about splitting the bill, where to go on your date and whether you’ll have to contend with an award first kiss or a request for sex. It also promoted forming meaningful connections that are not simply based on sexual attraction, but something more.
However, it’s also now easier to hide behind the excuse of the pandemic. Those that may be nervous to go on dates can use dating apps to chat and connect but never takes things further. It’s a big frustration when you put time and energy into getting to know someone and it never progresses.
Can we truly form connections with people without meeting them in person? I would argue we can, but it takes a different approach.
The swipe culture has already shifted how we look at potential partners, and the pandemic has definitely changed how people choose to interact.
People dating now are actually having to learn how to work at their relationships
The pandemic has brought a lot of new stresses on couples. Many who are newly dating are contending with new work-from-home routines or changes to their regular schedules. So this brings a whole set of new frustrations to the courtship process.
Couples are being tested even earlier on in their relationship. Do they share the same views on the pandemic and mask mandate? Do they live together and have strong boundaries around personal space? Are they meeting friends and family and integrating their social lives earlier or later than normal?
Couples are needing to work on their relationships in a new way. Being able to communicate well has always been important – but it’s more important now than ever. Learning how to approach conflict in a major test for couples during this pandemic.
Approaching women in public is more challenging
What’s happened to the old-fashioned way of picking up women?
Many of the men I’ve coached over the last six months have reported feeling more awkward about approaching women in public.
They fear offending a woman they approach, getting too close and making things feel uncomfortable or simply coming off as creepy because they are wearing a mask. This is leading to higher anxieties and a lack of social skills with many men.
Kimberly Hill is a leading Dating & Relationship Coach For Men, and Host of The Self-Confidence Project Podcast. You can follow her on Instagram @kimberlyninahill. For more information, go to www.kimberlyninahill.com.
Curious to learn more? Download a free copy of The Dating Handbook for Men.
by Kimberly Hill | May 31, 2021 | Blogs, Dating, Relationships
Dating & Relationship Green Flags. Photo by Chermiti Mohamed
In relationships, it’s important to know what behaviours we absolutely won’t tolerate, and that’s why many of us get clear on our red flags.
But hey, if you’ve found yourself dating or in a new relationship and you’re wondering if this could be “the one,” check out these 10 green flags that you’ve found somebody special.
10 Relationship Green Flags:
- They support your personal growth
- They listen to you with patience and curiosity
- They respect your boundaries and have their own
- You are being included in their personal life, including meeting friends and family
- You feel safe to express yourself openly and without judgment
- Even if you have small disagreements, they don’t threaten your relationship
- They view you as an equal and include you in decision making
- They go out of their way to make you smile or laugh
- You feel comfortable being your true self around them
- You don’t get the feeling you’re competing for their time
How many can you check off the list?
If you’re not seeing these signs in your new relationships or this list feels far out of reach for you, I recommend you download this free workbook on the 5 mistakes men are making when dating and how to overcome them for relationship success. You can download your free copy here.
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Ready to uplevel your confidence in dating and relationships and get 1:1 support? Apply to work with me by clicking here.
Enjoyed this read and want another? Not sure if you’re empathetic or co-dependent? Read this article here.
To your health, love life, and future success!
Kimberly xx
by Kimberly Hill | May 30, 2021 | Blogs, Relationships, Self-Improvement
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez
First, let’s first look at co-dependency.
Co-Dependency
Codependency is defined as “a behavioural condition in a relationship where one person enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.”
The co-dependent is obsessed with making things right. They lose themselves in this process, and they lack personal boundaries, which are essential for their overall wellbeing.
As a co-dependent, the individual values the approval of others more than they value themselves.
This often results in lower self-esteem.
Co-dependency is not healthy, and studies show that close to 90% of the American population demonstrates some areas of co-dependency.
“ Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on.
Maxwell Maltz
If the individual you’re in a relationship with does not want to help themselves, despite the words they say, you have to learn to walk away before you destroy your entire life for someone who doesn’t even want your assistance.
Don’t give up all your hopes and dreams to try and save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.
The key here is to understand what is your responsibility and under your control, versus what is not.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself about co-dependency:
- Are you only happy when your partner is happy?
- Do you feel upset when your help isn’t effective?
- Do you feel responsible for your partner?
- Do you consistently try to please others instead of yourself?
- Do you quickly abandon your routine to do something for someone else?
- Do you lose sleep over other people’s problems?
- Do you tend to make excuses for your partner’s poor behaviour?
- Do you ignore problems and pretend things aren’t happening?
- Do you look for happiness outside of yourself?
- Do you latch on to whomever you think can provide happiness for you?
- Do you try to prove you are good enough to be loved?
- Do you look to relationships to provide all your good feelings?
If you have said yes to some or many of these questions, you are showing signs of co-dependency.
Ok, let’s look at empathy.
Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand the emotional state of another person intuitively. Empaths are highly sensitive to other’s emotional energy, and this allows us to form bonds with other humans.
We can be there to care and show respect and listen non-judgementally. We can see people’s pain and love them for it.
“Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another and feeling with the heart of another.”
Alfred Adler
It also serves a purpose to allow us to regulate our own emotions during a time of stress. For example, we always hear people say “put the shoe on the other foot,” which means we are encouraged to think about how others are feeling, not just ourselves. It’s healthy to explore the different emotional perspectives.
This encourages friendships, love and understanding amongst us.
However, while being empathetic is a positive thing, when we allow others to abuse our kindness does this turn into something unhealthy.
I hope we can make a clear distinction between empathy and co-dependency.
Are you co-dependent or simply empathetic?
If you enjoyed this post and picked up a few helpful tips click here to subscribe to my email list and we will send you more great articles.
Ready to uplevel your confidence in dating and relationships and get 1:1 support? Apply to work with me by clicking here.
With love,
Kimberly
